Judgments Say More About The Judge Than What’s Being Judged
We’re scared to speak our heart out by the fear of being judged and laughed at, we’re scared to dress, we’re scared to upload a picture we love but others might not! We’re scared to be friends with the opposite sex, can boys and girls ever really be just friends? YES! but the censorious world out there wouldn’t allow them to be. We’re scared to have our own identity, hence we tend to gel in the bandwagon effect and camouflage being someone who we are not, just to be accepted by others. We’re scared of living the way we want to!!
If you want to stop enabling the fear of judgment living inside of you, read on because this article is just what the doctor ordered.
It’s hard to believe, but you don’t need to be born audacious to stop fearing judgment. You don’t need to be exceptionally brave and courageous. You just need to make a few small changes in how you see the world and how you interact with others in it.
At some point we become ashamed of the nakedness of our souls and so we start to cover them up, we become afraid of judgemental eyes, whispers, and hostile snickers.
We start losing the ability to be free in ourselves because the fear of being unliked, unwanted, unattractive, or unworthy is too great to overcome.
We learn the rules of engagement for socialization and we start to judge and accept judgment from others. Negative judgment is a death sentence to our self-esteem.
You foster this fear every time you say ‘no’ when you really want to say ‘yes,’ because you don’t want to look like an idiot/a crazy person/silly/etc. You nourish this fear by hiding who you are to avoid embarrassment.
If you’re like most people you want to be able to walk around without fearing judgment. You want to ‘not care’ what people think, but you just can’t seem to bring yourself to do it.
We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are. – Anais Nin
It’s never about you.
Whatever judgment is being passed on you, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the judge’s opinion about what you should be like.
For example, think of the craziest outfit you’ve ever seen. The kind of outfit that makes you stare and think ‘wtf is wrong with that person?!’ Now consider for a moment that there are people in the world who think it’s the most attractive getup possible. It’s a fashion phenomenon. It’s wildly fabulous!
Your judgment has nothing to do with the individual you’re judging and everything to do with how you think that person should dress. You might not know exactly what they should be wearing, but in that moment, you know what they shouldn’t be wearing.
This is exactly what happens when others judge you.
Being Less Judgemental Frees You From Being Judged
Every time you judge someone else you perpetuate the cycle of judgment.
Consider the example above. If you judge someone’s clothing, you’re going to expect others to be judging your clothing as well.
The best way to show how true this is, is for me to ask you if you commonly judge people’s flexibility? I’m going to assume that you don’t. Now ask yourself if you’ve ever been afraid of being judged by your flexibility. No?
If we went and asked a dance teacher if they commonly judge a person’s flexibility, they’d probably say yes.
You’re only afraid of being judged on the things you find yourself judging others on.
The best way to eliminate a habit is to replace the bad habit with a better habit.
I suggest replacing judgment with curiosity. The moment I started doing this, the moment I started choosing acceptance over rejection, is the moment I began to feel like I was free to be me.
When you see something ‘abnormal’ or uncommon, you judge because it doesn’t fit into your view of the world. The best way to stop judging is to make it less ‘foreign’ so it can fit into your world view. The only way to do that is to learn about it, and the only way to learn is to be curious.
So next time you see someone sporting a chicken on their head for a hat, don’t stop your thought process at ‘that’s weird.’ Continue on and be filled with wonder at how strange and new that is to you. Think about how interesting the reason behind the chicken hat must be, and vow to find out what kind of cultural norm this is. Learn about it, be curious, carve for this new information.
Give space to other’s to be who they are, and you will receive ample space in return.